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Local Man Outraged to Discover Great Beer Deal Is 440ml and Only 4%
Dennis returned to the shop for some proper beer after discovering his bargain cans were smaller and weaker than expected.
SatireA local man has been left furious after discovering that the beer he believed to be a great deal was only 440ml in size and 4% in strength.
Dennis had initially regarded the purchase as one of the strongest financial decisions of his adult life. He spotted the promotional price, performed a quick calculation based largely on instinct and carried the cans home feeling he had finally beaten the system.
The celebration ended when he examined the label.
“It’s shrinkflation, that’s what it is. Looks like a great deal, but it’s a bag of shite really.”
Sources close to the fridge said Dennis spent several minutes comparing the can with an older 500ml model before holding both at arm’s length and accusing the drinks industry of “trying to pull a fast one.”
The reduced strength caused further concern.
“Four per cent,” he said, reading the figure again in case it had improved. “At that stage you’d nearly be as well drinking it for the taste.”
A principled return to the shop
Dennis said he was so disgusted by the alleged bargain that he immediately returned to the shop and spent considerably more money on what he described as “some real beer.”
“There are no bargains to be had in this climate, like,” he explained while carrying home twice as much beer as he had originally intended to buy.
The Shandon Shocker contacted the unnamed manufacturer for clarification. A representative denied arranging promotions with individual retailers before adding: “That is an ecumenical matter between themselves and the big fella.”
We then contacted the local shop, which declined to comment on the shrinkflation accusation.
One employee, who requested anonymity for reasons that quickly became clear, was willing to offer a broader assessment of the situation.
“Dennis is a prick, like. Never liked him.”
Dennis has since declared the matter resolved, having successfully protested the poor value by returning to the same shop, purchasing a more expensive product and giving the retailer additional money.
He is expected to continue monitoring the situation closely, one full-sized can at a time.