Cork Couple Aim to Try Every Coffee Shop in the City but Go Bankrupt Before Completing It

A brave Cork couple have attempted to sample every single place in the city that serves coffee, but have gone bankrupt before completing the task.

Sean and Jane began the project after deciding that the city was crying out for an online series ranking every flat white, long black and suspiciously expensive pastry within reach of the river.

They insist they are not addicts, despite the unfortunate outcome of their endeavour.

“We saw all these viral trends on social media and thought we would start one. You know, eventually get the coffees for free and such. But no one watched it and we ended up broke.”

Jane said the scale of the city’s coffee offering had caught them completely by surprise.

“We had no idea there were so many. The cafés weren’t so bad, but the trucks caught us off guard.”

An unfunded research programme

The couple are now living in their car, having sold their house to fund the attempted viral campaign. Their back seat is understood to contain three reusable cups, a ring light and a spreadsheet marked urgent research.

Most coffee sellers contacted by The Shandon Shocker declined to comment. One operator, who asked not to be named because he was mid-way through a triple espresso, was willing to offer a view.

“It’s a problem, like. People are addicted to coffee and go to extreme lengths to get it. That’s why I’m only serving decaf from now on. I don’t want to be the reason someone ended up on the streets.”

When asked what they planned to do next, Sean and Jane had a simple answer.

“What else, like? Go for a coffee. There are a few places we haven’t tried yet and I’m dying to give them a go.”

If you or anyone you know has been affected by coffee addiction, please contact BeansR’Us — an entirely fictional support service whose helpline is currently closed for a coffee break. For real health concerns, speak to a qualified healthcare professional.